Today has been feeling like Sunday all day.
I'm out of sync with myself. Something happened.
The other night I picked up the kindle and somehow the text had expanded to huge scale and these words where filling up the screen.
...ordinary consciousness simply becomes pain.
I've just thought of something that might work though...
this from The Sacred and Profane Love Machine by Iris Murdoch.
Made me laugh.
It was three in the morning and Audrey and I were trying to get accustomed, just sleep, to being at the arthotel, new bedroom downstairs and after a full day including a very successful Opening for Karyn Roberts show #Wip, which is txt speak for Work in Progress. Cool. I wanted to write a letter to Paul yesterday titled The Weirdness of Living with People Coming Off Meds.
I had hoped that the writing of such a letter might sort-of place me somehow in a meaningful universe.
I didn't write it.
Everything is good. All the family.
Zone One is good. Audrey, Yodhi, the house over our heads, the place where our food comes from, Chickens and the Rabbits.
Zone Two has Luca in it, Niko and Veronika and they are full alive, full well and everything ahead of them. I love them to a madness, a dissolution and a transfixation.
And soon they will be with you, my love and my everything...this family coming together, connection which drive the new, creative dynamic for expansion change and the endless dance goes on. In this context the pictures of the two farm buildings were fully satisfying and harmonious albeit an index only of something, somewhere else in the other.
Audrey and I were able to move towards that, into that space, gleaning all we could, transfixed again, full of questions, projections, yearning and wanting more. Impossible and unstable practice really.
Another piece of a puzzle.
Yesterday we talked with Luca for three hours about what Audrey and I see, for ourselves, what Zone One will look like with us in it.
Of course this clumsy tool operates in an unstable and relative universe. Yes and often I suffer from many illusions and one specific to this narrative, that I can describe the Territory, the Art of It.
Zone One. Luca is very well placed to go. He goes with our love, our fondest wishes and a bag full of hopefully useful tools. Those of us who remain behind will carry on with our work. Lynlee is doing good work. It will take time and each day she applies herself to the task. It is her destiny. She is facing herself. Niko is doing his work, each day we connect and reaffirm our commitment to refining and polishing our connection, building dream, capacity, stories, visions, ideas, language and meaning. Deepening.
He is the traveler returned, so enjoying having time and space to be and to reflect on the outward-looking-gaze of a young man.
I've been interrupted in this process and will draw a line under these reflections, hopeful that they may answer unasked questions and here within you might also find pieces to fit a puzzle which you too are working on. A Map perhaps.